of going off slowly

the last one is the best, if you listen carefully to the lyrics.

of coming to an end, maybe?

most of what i wrote i saved them in the draft folder, unpublished.

i think maybe it is time, to finally close the blog down.

you get a feeling that people pry at your life a bit when you write openly.

and then you have to jaga the muka of these people, and the feelings of those people.

it is tiring.

but who knows, perhaps, just perhaps, tomorrow i would change my mind.

i will leave it so for the time being.

meanwhile, enjoy this



and this.

of waiting like you never did before

Olympus Pen E-P1.

you think i can save enough to buy this or buy myself a trip to hk, taiwan or china?

le sigh.

wait long long la.

maybe if i wait long enough, prices will start to drop.

good idea.

then wait long long la.

of belated post, sorry

the switzerland trip came as something very unplanned for. cause i was planning for barcelona all these while. i did researchES on flight tickets, the transportation to and from airport (both girona and reus), accomodation, food, everything you can think of. and damnit, i was so prepared to go to barcelona. cause ben rated it top in his list of places he visited before. so i held high hope. i was determined. damn the insufficient funds, damn the limited holiday PK could get. i did not care. i wanted to go to BARCELONA. but fate decided to play big bro and swine flu came into picture. to avoid making our parents worrried we had to give up. then all my effort went into the toilet bowl. flushed down, i didn't even have chance to bid farewell. i so wanted to scream. alas, i did not.

i stayed home. and i surf the net randomly. again, i randomly mentioned switzerland. and said i am now determined to go to swtzerand to make up to the loss of barcelona trip, in a stern tone but damnit i was really only half hearted. but he nodded. as always, giving in without a fight. to which i responded half heartedly too. i did research again. not looking thoroughly this time in case of any disappointment.

switzerland. all i know about switzerland was its alps. and nothing else to be frank. and PK was not fond of Zurich or Bern - too citylike, no point he said. God knows how i came across Zermatt. whatever. i wanted an escape. zermatt will be that escapade. i was adamant.

i booked us a package of 3 days, 2 nights (with breakfast) in a little hotel in Zermatt. There was not many choices. While hostel costs equivalently expensive, I thought why not spend the money on hotel room. the package costed us 300 Fr which amounts to 170 plus pounds. honestly, the conversion rate confused me a little. and god knows what i was thinking when i told PK it was cheap. heck, it freaking isn't! our train tickets to zermatt costed the same amount. i was oblivious about the cost of the whole trip until i did the maths a day before leaving then i regretted, on our way to zermatt, that i even mentioned about switzerland. there was no turning back. i mean, i couldn't cancel the trip just then.

bah. so we went ahead. the journy to visp, switzerland was great cause i was sleeping all the way. by the time we reach visp we had to get down to change to the mountain rail or whatever that is called. zermatt is pretty secluded if you ask me. it is really small and is so packed with japanese tourists, you wonder if you are in Japan. even some of the shopkeepers are Japanese. the moment i saw them tourists, i was scolding myself for choosing zermatt. i mean, places jammed with tourists are usually expensive and are not really that interesting. too commercialised. bah.

this is like the centre of the town. right outisde the train station. you see that bunch of uncles and aunties on the right?? they are just a minority of the Japanese tourists there. we then had some hard time locating the hotel we booked cause the numbering is really jumbled up. plus the map given was not really right. we were lucky we bumped into another family who wanted to check into the same hotel.

our room was not particularly big but was very cosy and had the cottage feel. the domino set was part of the gifts included in our package with a lip gloss and some fruits. the ensuite toilet was exceptionally clean. cleanest of all the accomodation i've booked myself into.

this is part of the town. to be honest, most of the people there are elderly. elderly Japanese. LOL. and there was not many Asians around. on our first day there, we were like the only Asians.

this is some church in the town. the UFO look-alike is a bank and in between is the Matterhorn Museum.

we reached zermatt in the noon and we were really tired cause the train journey started at 6 plus in the morning. we sleep a little and went to sauna room, a service included in the package we took. there was a whirlpool in the hotel but we could not stay back in the little spa place cause we were really hungry.

food in zermatt is exorbitantly priced. tourist spot, what did i expect. damn. a normal pasta dish (the one with tomato paste only) costs around 18-19 Fr which is like a freaking 10 pounds. so in the end, we went for the on board dinner set that was offered by the hotel because we took their package. the dinner was in this small restaurant in the middle of the town called Chalet Swiss.
it costed us 28 Fr per person which is a steal given the rate in other restaurant.

the restaurant had some nice decorations but other than that, i was not very impressed otherwise. it was normal.

some salad with really nice dressing but the salad was really too plain.

pork chops with champignon sauce. a wee bit salty but was good nevertheless

this pear sorbet is amazing. it felt like cold pear pulps melting but it is actually sorbet. with pear bits and pear liqour.

the sauna and whirling pool in the hotel

some bread the hotel provided for breakfast. this bread is awesome because it is loaaded with sunflower seeds. bread in europe is comparatively nicer than those in malaysia albeit a little tougher.

how the normal shops in zermatt look like

stupid chips. was like 3-4 francs for such a small packet. and then we found out that they have it here in rewe in karlsruhe. sial.

i cheapskate. the left is mine. 0.90franc. the right is his. mengada. 2.90 franc.

when in zermatt, i was torn between gornegrat, matterhorn, rotharn, and schwarzsee peak. i mean, there are few means of getting up the alps. and they are all blardy expensive. in the end, we chosed gornergrat cause it was recommended by the receptionist of the hotel. so we were all prepared to pay 76 francs each to go up to the peak. we were fortunate because as we were lining up to get tickets, we say banners showing this summer promotion. you go up a bit later after 1 a.m. and you pay 64 francs for a ticket. good deal what. and you can go back down to zermatt at around 7p.m. 6 hours of alps experience, not bad. plus, you can go out at each stop (at different altitudes) along the railway.

our happy hour tickets. gone our kachings.

the mountain train

the view after first few minutes of departing

the matterhorn peak which isn't that majestic YET.

part of the railway. from now on, i will simply caption pictures as i like because i am very sick of procrastinating this post already. cincai la.

there were very brave people who cycled all the way up the peak. you know how steep the road is ar? like freaking OMG giler crazy steep can! how to cycle up there la?

riffelberg. i think it was the third highest stop you could get off from the train. wanted to walk to this amazing lake but apparently, the trail was closed cause the snow and ice covered the track and it's dangerous. wth!

at gornergrat peak, we saw these st bernard dogs that are available to take pictures with. charges applied. that is how the fella pays his rent, he said. the dogs are really cute. adorable. lazy. er, likable. i am out of words.

some silly capture cause he set the timer wrongly. lol.

retarded pose cause we are memang like that

futile attempt of hugging the matterhorn peak

you know, the gist of the picture isn't me displacing the million dollar smile but the thick snow beneath the seat, OK. look at what he snapped instead! sigh.

3100 metres above sea level

some snow mountain creature everyone went hooha about

syok sendiri #1

syok sendiri #2

syok sendiri #3

i forgot about what i wanted to write about this picture

ah yes, the riffelsee lake that we did not get to see

rottenboden which is colder than the peak cause the wind was so strong, siao!

then there were periods when the sun played hide and seek with us.

erm, this was snapped oon the way down i think. that is zermatt. the village.

on the last day, before we leave, we were contemplating between having cheese fondue for lunch and going up another peak, rotharn paradise. i think it was 30plus franc per person for that 5 minutes ride up. i tell you, switzerland is a land of money sucking.

the tickets. and some postcards we used as alas meja now.

that train or cable car thingy.

the view at the sunnega stop.

the cable car up to the rothorn paradise

syok sendiri #4

at the sunnega stop, there was this place where you could watch the be beaver like creatures but we saw none there. instead we saw more as we hike around, away from that location.
this is some lake a trail lead us. the atmosphere and the scenery totally wow-ed us and i remember sitting down, engulfing the view for the longest time ever.

one more and i'm done. lunch time. yes!

of a turmoil uprising

there are really many things i want to write about but over the years (i have started blogging 5 years back in a place i wouldn't want you to know) i started feeling a wee bit uncomfortable laying my life out here so blatantly. i guess at one moment, what my sister said rang true. you shouldn't really display your life to public or you risk the consequences.

throughout all these years, i wrote angsty posts, complained a heap, i displayed affections towards my family and PK publicly, i wrote all sorts of things i laugh at now.

i wonder how would i react to this when i grow older.

anyway, i have this stir up inside, unsure of the feeling i have now.

each time i see a comment or an update about a friend who is now back in Malaysia, i feel bad that i chosed to go back much later. i feel bad when i broke the news to 'them' that i will be home much later.

then each time PK comes home from work, i smile because i am still around. and everytime this notion of me going home soon crops up, i ignore it, to a certain extent i fear it. i am so used to the companionship i wonder how it would be when i go home soon.

anyway, i believe for one, that things will always sort themselves up in the end. fretting is just a process but it will be settled. 船到桥头以自然直。

wth, the switzerland post. so daunting. wth. will try to get it done before i go home.

of everything is over now

the much anticipated graduation is now over. i was on the stage for barely 10 seconds. all the effort throughout these 3 and a half years. i would not say it wasn't worth it. it was worth every second i was up there. but to be honest, graduation to me, was more to another chance of camwhoring. LOL. and camwhored we did. i really love the flower PK got me for myy convocation. it was different. it was bold and it was sharp. and to PK, thank you for being the photographer and bag bearer for the day. but i am more thankful for your presence than anything else.

13 of the jpa students went back yesterday and i believe they are already at home now, resting. i must say i am filled with envy now because i long to go home. but then again, i do not want to leave PK just yet. the day i go home will be the day long distance greets our relationship again. it is definitely tough. especially for him because he would be alone in germany and at least i would be home. and this hurts. but i am ging too avoid talking about this now because it is sensitive between us.

i must thank the D8 juniors who allowed PK and I to stay in their unit for two days on my trip back to glasgow. it was such a pleasant place, besides them being so accomodating. thanks Renly, WenYi, PohYee, and ChinYeong!

gtg for now. switzerland post and pictures of convo in facebook soon :)

of summaries

great. the workers left early so i can take long afternoon nap uninhibited. yes!

but before they leave, i did attempt to sleep. then suddenly mulut dan tangan gatal so i went to make this microwave cake i saw from weepin's blog. i went to search online to see if there is any simpler recipe. so here we go, but first, some random photos:

gooseberries. i think they are great, taste a bit like soursop on the sour side (mainly because the skin is freaking sour) but PK thinks they taste like the food you feed the pig, wth! i remember how jerome's face mushed up after tasting them too. haha. i bought this in the train station while waiting for zeuven's train home. zeuven came to karlsruhe last sunday and we had an amazing time catching up.

ok. continue with the recipe. first, search random recipe online.

ini dia. but that was not the recipe i followed. in fact, i followed non. you will see.

you need flour. don't ask me what kind of flour. just flour la.

i couldn't find cocoa powder so i used the instant chocolate drink powder. this is called improvision. haha.

you then need a microwavable mug actually. but i used this tupperware cause it is bigger. then i can eat more.

some milk

an egg

some sugar

some oil. notice how i use the word 'some' sparingly. that is because i did not follow the recipe at all. i put in amount i deem sufficient. actually, i pakai buang in only. you know the greatest thing about this recipe? it is so quickly done that if you screw up, wth, just make a new batch la. 3 minutes only what.

you mix the dry ingredients together: flour (according to recipe, 4 tablespoons), cocoa, or in my case the instant chocolate (about 2 tablespoons but really i think it is up to you. if you are some chocolate maniac, then put more la). and sugar (up to you also la, i don't really care cause i dislike sweet stuffs).

then you mix in an egg, some milk and oil. i did not measure the oil and milk. i did not read the recipe on the amount of those ingredients you should put in either. so i cincai put in some. er, you can mix then judge the consistency yourself, i guess.

mix until gooey

microwave under full power for 3 minutes

there you go. very unsweet. and a tad too dry. i tihnk i put in too little milk and oil. i read the recipe again later and found out you should really put in 3 tablespoons of each milk and oil. i think i put in only a spoonful of each. haha.

ok, more photos so the post looks more interesting.

this is some german bread i eat these few days. i like bread with a lot of chewable grains or oats or nuts whatever. this is really, i mean seriously, good for digestive system. lol

this puff snack thingy, is really nice

and some chocolate bar which PK recommended and suprisingly good despite being a tad sweet. there is some fruit and yoghurt layer in the middle.

and last saturday, we went to stuggart to meet up with hung jen, see hua, joshua, and jong. with another malaysian exchange student whose name i could not remember. we bumped into chia ni and chor yaw the ALG seniors and then all of us had lunch together at some german restaurant. roy joined us very much later.

we headed to metzingen cause there was not much to do in stuttgart anyway.

metzingen has this area where all the factory outlets are collectively located. and you know how factory outlets sell cheaper branded goods. plus, they were having sales lagi.

i bought a RL tote for 40 euros which is a steal cause the original price was 140. and PK got himself a shirt and socks.

they have burberry, RL, timberland, esprit, tommy hilfiger, lacoste, hugo boss, escada, pepe jeans and lain lain. the place was packed which is normal i guess.

we went to stuttgart to have dinner in tao tao zhu. we went ordering dishes instead of paying for the buffet. i would not say the dishes were exceptionally delicious but i can say that the service was somewhat poor. anything la. i had fun meeting old friends anyway, so the awful dinner was compensated.

alright. i can take my nap now.

of i am not ranting OK!

these days i always wake up around 7.30 to 8 in the morning. not that i like it. there is some construction in the block i am staying now to fix new heater system. and now the workers are in my room. they always say that they will come at 8 in the morning but never turned up until 10 a.m. which pisses me a bit cause i woke up early for nothing except today, they came 5 minutes shy from 8. PK has to go to work around 6.30 and his housemates are almost out to school or work most morning. so it is just me and some german workers. once kenny made clear to them that i do not speak german. so they know. yet they still talk to me in german. i replied in english of course. fantastically, most of the time, i understood them (the fella made some hand language too) so it is all good except for the timing of course. anyway, just to mention that they are here now and that i have to stay awake anyhow, might as well i blog.

king of pop, micheal jackson passed away yesterday and it was obvious in most part of the world, people are mourning right now to which i could totally understand. my earliest memory of him was this pepsi commercial he did in the 90's (i think it was his second really famous pepsi advert) whereby he sang 'Black or White'. i was so familiar with that song back then, i sang it day in day out, seriously. and when i was in my grandma's house, my cousin would attempt to do the moonwalk and had us all laughing. micheal jackson was part of everyone's life, at one time or another i guess. no, he was not my idol or what but in my childhood days, you know micheal and you are cool or you don't know micheal and you stay in caves. i would not say he is like the greatest singer of all but he is somewhat great. do rest in peace.

on a different note, it is funny how some people think that they know you inside out but the fact is, they never did in the first place.

zermatt travel log underway.

of how everything comes at once

i was trying to upload berdozen pictures for my coming post. connection was slow, testing my patience.

then i checked the delivery status of my shoes. carded once again. meaning i have to call them to rearrange another delivery. damnit. i hate the delivery system. why cant they just send it to the village office? ma fan-ness. because i am in germany right now, i cannot call them with my mobile cause it costs blardy a lot. then i resorted to buying skype credit which is like super expensive sial too. who says it is cheap?! even if the person you are calling does not pick up, skype blardy charge me also, can! WTH.

damnit. and i am hungry now. hungry people do unimaginable stuffs. like getting frustrated at some travel agent's reply via email. bad grammar. unprofessional. and not to mention, grumpiness. *shrugs*

ok. i go eat now. lest i become angrier.

of sigh aku sakit perut

oh finally blogger decides not to be a pain in the buntut and allowed me to post this.

you ask me what is love.

this is love, i would answer.

he came home last evening, looking excited.

'i brought you something' then giggled a bit.

i wasn't expecting anything. more like i wasn't given time to expect.

but it was love. correct.

damn cute, can.

of getting tired of the net and fear of insects

this is the usual me, minus the interest towards internet for today.

i wanted to cook early but i saw this creature, which looks like lipan (i forgot what is it called in english) but with longer legs, fatter, only shorter. and it freaked me out until i decided to postpone cooking until PK comes back. i wanted to shout the moment i saw it while sweeping the kitchen floor but i know i should not and cannot make a big fuss out of it because i am an adult. you read me? guess what i did?

i went into the room and came out with a bottle of shaving cream and a handphone. handphone for the torchlight function to check where that creature is and the shaving cream to halt its movement or stick that creature to the wall until my knight comes home to rescue me. i shone onto the floor looking for the creature, half wishing that it went away so that i wouldnt need to muster courage to spray on it. but it was there, wriggling, as if proud that it could make me shiver. without hesitation, i sprayed onto it a big plop of shaving cream (cause there isnt any insect spray or that sort) and thanks goodness the cream fell onto the right place, stopping that creature. from time to time, i went to check if it is still there. then i decided that the sesunguts (i forgot what is it called in english again, that tail like thingy on insect heads) look too scary sial, i sprayed more shaving cream to cover it. to which i should knock my head on the wall cause after that move, i couldnt tell if it was still stucked or made its way wriggling free already. how now?

i placed the chopped garlic aside then ran into the room. and closed the door. then PK called telling me he will be back late. how now? you tell me? then i ceritakan my distress to him, to which he smartly informed me he caught two similar creatures in his room before. how now?!

as i blog now, i frantically look down on the floor to check for signs of lipan's presence. die la.

darnit. i was supposed to blog about buddhism and incover camps then stuff like this have to happen. not pure already my thought, how to write you tell me? how now?

ok. have to sign off to further scrutinize the floor. bye.

of zermatt the greatness, whatever

oh i am dizzy after 2 full mugs of champagne PK got complimentary from his internship company. got another bottle under the table now. haha. great. free booze, we where got money buy champagne you tell me, we are poor students like that. haha. damnit, i am going wonky.

PK is on PSP now cos i ignored him pretty much for the last one hour, reading blogs.

i am back from zermatt, which is in switzerland and it is officially the most expensive trip ever and the most expensive place i have been to. it is also the most majestic place i have ever visited, ok la, maybe there are more majestic places but then i have never been to those so all hail zermatt yo. damn, i sound stupid.

will blog properly about zermatt (but i never blog prroperly) soon when i am more sober.

er, oh yes. i wanted to write about how open my dad is cause he allows us siblings to drink and that my mum is OK that we go to clubs and all. wah, my parents darn open la, please congratulate me. note: i am not sober so forgive this post. i always think that my dad allows us to drink because all girls should know how to drink so that they don't get tipu by the boys. or perhaps that is some stupid logic i made up to justify the reason my dad never stop me from drinking. my dad doesn't really drink by the way. why am i talking about my parents anyway.

oh yes. the graduation will be on the 29th this month. so do drop by if you have time. i think i still have one ticket left. must remind self to buy a pair of shoes for graduation. darn stupid i've shipped everything back to malaysia already so i don't have anything decent to wear to graduation. how stupid is that? i've mentioned this already, havent't i?

goodnight. i need to sleep the alcohol away.

of back in karlsruhe

i know wordy posts in a wordy post-laden blog are uncool.
but i am uncool.
so when uncool mets the uncool, you tick correct.

i am back in karlsruhe. so come visit me if you may :)

moved out of JBC. went to merempat in birbeck court for a coupla hours after shifting tonnes of stuffs out of the house. really. can our stuffs be any heavier? can there be more? damn. now my whole body is aching. top, bottom, left, right, everywhere. i shout in agony each time PK tries to hug me. damn. not to mention the blisters on my feet (yes! both! damnit) after shifting in PK's slippers cause mine were spoilt. ill fitted slippers are hazardous. but good that i am in pain. reality check cause the past few days had been a bit over the top.

and yea. did i mention that i passed my exam? so now i am a graduand. no longer a student. damn. pretty scary. preworking-preadulthood blues like prenatal fear. oooooh. but i shipped practically everything back to Malaysia so have to get new shoes, shirt, and maybe skirt for graduation. urgh. money, damnit.

oh, and the night i came back from glasgow, we had to spend some time in karlsruhe train station to wait for the tram back to PK's place. so we went to McD to grab a bite since got plenty of time. he lined up to get food so naturally i went to get us seats. the whole station, no, i think the whole europe is filled with blardy drunkards after 1 a.m. and the place was like shit, i tell you! there was this bald angmoh sitting nearby chatting with this black guy. he saw me and started shouting koniciwa then the unfathomable. damn stupid. then he said something that made me so furious i could have gone up to him and punch his arse face or his bald head. that S-O-B! damn! ashamed that he is human. ashamed that he is even alive! damnit! then i was so mad i erm, lashed it out on PK. OK. not totally my fault but i was being really irrrational with that state of mind. so mad, i think it was like the angriest moment in the past few years. crazy. never have i hated one person so much so that my temperature was up, i palpitated and the only thing i was thinking was the methods that S-O-B should die of. damn. i can go to hell now.

ok. chill. chilled. the more i talk, the more likely am i going to hell and it is not worth going to hell because of that fella. enough.

so... birbeck is small but cosy. i like small, cosy room but i need a huge room. small and socy so there isn't space for anything else that can scare me. like, you know. they occupy space too. but big room to organise my stuffs. i don't buy a lot but i have the tendency to keep stuffs instead of throwing so that explains the heavy load.

and everyone looked gorgeous during graduation ball. not that i went. but i saw many, i mean, really many pictures. haha. must be fun. oh well.

i am so looking forward to switzerland trip.

alrighty. i should try going back to sleep while the movie is playing. any good recommendations lately, people?

of reminiscing

Mind is the fore-runner of all. Mind is chief. Mind made are they.

How true, how true.

of moonriver when i see no moon, no river

i love this song.
tonight is my last night in James Blyth Court.
somehow, i feel nothing. maybe just a tinge of reluctance to leave my room.
but what shall come, shall come.
i paid for the transcript, which until now, i don't quite know what it actually is.
i paid for the robe hire.
then i realised i shipped everything wearable to graduation back home, in Malaysia.
i am shoeless, shirtless, and skirtless for the ceremony. i mean now.
on the other hand, i think i will miss the funny bank officer who tossed a coin to decide if he should go change the 100 pounds bill into fifties for me.
i asked for notes in hundred notation.
he then went to some store to bring me scottish pounds.
i wanted english pounds, i forgot to inform him.
i was too shy to insist i wanted the english pounds and he was shy too, to refuse me.
so he tossed a coin to decide if he should change them for me.
yes, he tossed a coin.
head, no change. tail, he will go and change.
coin showed tail.
so he went to the store to get me the english pounds.
then we both laughed at each other.
he told me not to come back.
and we laughed again.

i am trying to explain to myself, why the love hate relationship with routines.